You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
