The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
