Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize