At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize