had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
