Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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