yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
