i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
