I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
