He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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