you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you made out with another girl for some wings
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
