They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
