she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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