That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize