So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
ttyl tear gas
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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