all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize