I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
