No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
