This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
