i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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