I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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