I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
