the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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