Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
