You're so nebulous sometimes
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
