Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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