Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
