this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
