you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
