no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
