i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
