had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
