He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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