Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
