You really coming over, don't trick.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
