I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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