Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
