So drunk its hurt
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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