just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
