I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize