I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
