Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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