this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
