as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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