reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
