She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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