i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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