It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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