I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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