Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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