ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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