i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
