we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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