sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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