Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
