Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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