Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
