look no pants
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
