Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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