Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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