I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Send help, water and tortillas.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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