i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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