roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize