My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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