I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize